It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
