i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I did not marry a roomba.
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