When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
