We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
