finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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