so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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