Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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