we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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