That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
