I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
