I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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