I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
