there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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