If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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