No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
