he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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