What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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