I smell stomach acid.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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