I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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