my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
