sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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