I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
