I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
