sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
