White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
