I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
from now on my penis is your penis
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
