im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Never underestimate the power of titties
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
