i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
