did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
