I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
