Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have grass duct taped all over my body
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
