I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
