please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
