My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
