If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
