i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
