I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
