you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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