I think im going to throw up on grandma
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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