i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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