holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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