Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
