I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
