I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
