someone get that fucking seahorse.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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