Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
