She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
