and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
