you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize