Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
