having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
