i think my tv is drunk
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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