we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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