Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Dear god my vagina.
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