oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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