He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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