I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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