She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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