you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
