Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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