His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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