You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
