You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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