Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
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Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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