its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
