Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
