I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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