i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize