I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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