You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
