I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
worst night to have a conscience
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
