Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
