Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
