he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
