I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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