today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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