it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
