i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
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there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
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I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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