She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
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Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
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What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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