sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
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My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
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I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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