New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
