I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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